Normal 40 Ep 1 Intro (Transcript)
Lon: [00:00:00] Hi, this is Lon Stroschein and congratulations on finding the Normal 40 podcast. If you found me, well, it wasn't by accident. This just might be the first day of the rest of your life. And I would be honored if you join me on my journey or better let me join you on yours. Dude, if you are here, then it is clear we're going to be good for one another. And let us face it, the price is right for both of us. I am going to see you on the next page, boss.
Adam: [00:00:35] Hi and welcome to the Normal 40 podcast. My name is Adam Eaton and I will be one of your co-pilots on this journey. In this episode, we are going to learn more about the normal 40 mission, the community and the movement. And to do that, I have got the lead pilot, the founder, and frankly, a dude you need to know. His name is Lon Stroschein. And Lon, first off, thank you so much for allowing me and inviting me into your space, cannot wait to learn more about Normal 40 and learn more about you.
Lon: [00:01:05] Oh, thanks, Adam. I really appreciate it. And look, let us be honest, this podcast would not be dropping right now if it was not for you. So thanks for grabbing the reins and just being curious.
Adam: [00:01:18] Yeah. What I want to do a lot. I will learn more about you, your background, your history and learn more about Normal 40. For those who are listening in, who are curious about what this concept is about, what this community is about, they have seen your content elsewhere. I want them to really leave with an understanding of what it is that the Normal 40 community can do for them, so I am excited to get started. And I have one very simple question for you off the top. What does normal 40 mean? How did you come up with that name? How did that become sort of the moniker for this movement?
Lon: [00:01:49] Yeah. So, before I even get into that, I just want to frame up what you and I are doing for one second.
Adam: [00:01:56] Sure.
Lon: [00:01:56] And that is this: You and I do not know each other. We do not have a history. We just connected on a belief that there is something different; there is something that is tugging at us and that we should explore it. We should do something about what it is we are feeling, what it is that is talking to us. And we should just tap into that for a minute. And that is a call, that is an email. That is a tiny little action just to kind of open up the door to see where it goes. And that has led to this moment, the fact that we are having this conversation. It is the second time ever that you and I have talked. And we are going to start to have this this dialogue that we are going to share with hopefully thousands of people around the world. That would certainly be my hope.
[00:02:43] And so what is the normal 40? It is taking an action on those things that are tugging at us. This is a result of some things that you and I felt along our ways and brought us together in some random form or fashion. And we took action on it. And that is what brought us here. So the Normal 40 for me: I am 48 and for me, it started really about the age of 44. And at the age of 44, I was doing great. I was riding high. I had a great life, I was a public company executive. I had been a public company executive for more than a decade. I was making good money. I have - and had - a healthy marriage. I have - and had - a healthy family. I had a job that paid better than average and I had way surpassed what I thought I would achieve in my lifetime. That is where I was at in life.
[00:03:39] But I would still walk into my office and I would sit down and … look, I was doing good work. I was never lazy, I was never the bad employee, but I would still have this gnawing in the back of my mind where I would say, All right, is this it? Am I going to be here another ten years have enough – whatever that means? And then I would sit back and lean back in my chair, and then I would say, Well, damn it, if this is it, should not I just be thankful? Should not the fact that I have this desk, I have my wife, I have these kids, I have this family, I have this job … I have this life where I am contributing to the world in this way. Shouldn’t that just be enough for me to be thankful? And so what I would do is, that guilt would override me. I would kind of, you know, shake my head a little bit, shake it off, say, all right, I am over it, back to work I would go and that would buy me, I do not know, four months, six months maybe. And I would find myself back in the same office, in the same mood, sitting there after another quarter or two have gone by and be like, Well, is this it?
Lon: [00:04:53] I went through that same pattern for years, honestly, years before I decided, I have to figure out what this is. I have to figure out why I cannot just be satisfied, why I think I need more. And for the first time in my life, more does not include more stuff. It does not include a bigger title and it does not include more money. And so I did not even know what I meant or what I was thinking when I was thinking, I am not unhappy, but I am certainly not happy. I know the best days of my life are in front of me, but I do not know yet how I am going to live them. And that is how Normal 40 started. I just started getting curious about what I was going through, what I was feeling, and then I created a process for myself because I am a dude.
[00:05:40] Look, I could have gone and asked somebody for help. I could have asked a mentor. I could have hired a coach. I could have done a lot of things. What did I do? I locked it up inside and I went and I earned my coaching certification to figure myself out. That is how it all started down this path of self-exploration when I was 44, a little over four years ago, and that is where Normal 40 started. Every post you have ever seen me write is me talking to myself. My 44 year old self. That is it.
Adam: [00:06:12] That is interesting. So I would love to understand the journey between your path of self discovery and when and how you got inspired to say, Hey, I think others can benefit from that, too, right? Because it is one thing to say I am going to make a better path for my life. But what is it inside of you that you said to yourself, Hey, I have got something I need to share with the world, because like you said, we are dudes, we are stubborn, we do not share a lot. Sometimes feelings, emotions are hard to get out. What is it in you, inside of you, in your background, or sort of the way that you are wired that made you go, No, I am not bottling this up. I am going to share this with others?
Lon: [00:06:48] I would tell you that I wish there was a big grand strategy that ends with a master plan and an outcome that changes the world. But that is absolutely not how it started. I have learned a lot about how I am wired and some of it is not anything I want to brag about. You know, when you take a look inside and everything, every skill has a double edge and one of the things that I realized through this process, well into this process, though, was that I have a - a feeling inside of me. I have got something that rattles me, that fuels me, that compels me down a path of significance. Things that allow me to feel like I am accomplishing significant things. Now, there is good and bad of that. The bad is when you rally around significance can be very egotistical. It can be very, you know, I need to be the center of things. It can come across as, all the things I talked about just ego and self-centeredness negative attributes. And that is the downside.
But significance when channeled is also spectacular. When you place significance on a desire to be significant for others and helping them to be successful and helping them to navigate a path that you have been on and that you feel they might benefit -- that is where significance, the push towards significance is beautiful and wonderful and there is a balance. Now, to answer your question: Where did this come from? Why did I start? Why did I feel compelled to do it?
I knew I was going through something and I was learning a lot about myself and I was seeing the value in that.
Lon: [00:08:51] So what I do is I write. I am a writer and usually I write to myself. And so I sat down and I wrote a blog going back probably three years, and the blog talks about all of the things I was feeling, you know, that I was and we talked about a bunch of things that I was successful, that I have lived a blessed life. I have my own health. I have got health and my family. I live in a wonderful home. I have made a good income. But it also talks about all of the sacrifices I put in place to get here. I have also given up all of the nights and weekends. I have missed birthdays. I have been on red eyes, coast to coast and around the world. I have been stranded in third world countries before, unable to communicate. I mean, I put in that time, I put in that time to get what I had and I wrote about all that. And then the closing was in that same post was I feel like I have checked all those boxes and what I am after is something a little bit different. And I am wondering if this is it. And I think that maybe I should explore other things in my life. And essentially that is what the post said.
[00:09:56] And I took it and I handed it to a CEO friend of mine here in town, someone I trust and respect deeply. And I did not put my name on it. I did not put a picture on it. I just handed him the type document and I said, Hey, buddy, read this. And we were having a beer and he, you know, leaned back and he took the three or four minutes to read it and he threw it across the table at me. And he said, Who wrote this? And, you know, right away I am like, Oh, like, why? What is the deal? And he said, I want to know who wrote this, because whoever wrote this is in my head. This is exactly how I feel. I said, you feel this way? You feel discontent about where you are at, Mr. CEO? And he is like, Yeah, and I cannot tell anyone about it. I want to know who wrote this so I can connect with him. I said, Dude, I wrote it. And he said, You, Mr. Corporate Executive Lead an M&A, you wrote this? I said, yeah.
[00:10:50] And that was the first time that it dawned on me that, wait a minute, this shit is normal, but nobody is talking about it. So now lets marry the two. I stumbled onto the fact that I was feeling some way I, I had this … It was not even [me being] vulnerable because I did not even put my name on it. Whatever, I shared a document with a dude. He became vulnerable. He is the one that said, I feel this way before I even did. And that is what gave me the safety to say, okay, there is something here on one hand. Now you have how I am wired. And I did not even realize it then, but what compelled me to put that document in front of him was the desire to be significant for someone. And I knew how I was feeling and maybe he was feeling that way, and it turns out that he was. So those two things came together, my desire to do significant things, things that impact people significantly. And my ability to communicate that in written language is where normal 40 started.
[00:11:52] So then I started just dabbling things out on LinkedIn, really benign things that look nothing like the stuff I put out there now. But still for me that was really vulnerable to put my name. When I showed up to LinkedIn the first time and it was not, you know, kind of as Lon stroking the company executive sharing a corporate piece of branded material. And it was Lon Stroschein, leaving a post about, Hey, this is the farm I grew up on. And it taught me a million things, about a million things, and I am thankful for it. Right now, to most people it would be like, Well, that is not a big deal. But your first post, the first time you show up as you, to be you when you have been known as someone else. That first time man, that is something. And it will feel way more vulnerable than you thought it ever would and ever should. But it will be and it was that. And it took me a long time to build my voice into what you see it as today.
Adam: [00:12:49] Yeah, it is funny you mention that. I can relate with it in some respects. You and I, like you said off the top, we had a brief conversation a few times via email, and it is funny. Nobody really, from my professional circle knows that you and I are doing this episode, doing this show together. And because to you, to me, this is a vulnerable moment that when this drops, people are going to hear my voice, see my name and go, that is interesting. I did not have any insight on that, too. So as much as this is an exciting project for me, there is a vulnerable moment because when this drops and people realize I am a part of this movement and part of this this energy that you are putting out there. Yeah, I am curious the feedback I will get from people as well. And I am wondering when you first did that and you first got that feedback, was there a moment where you said, okay, it is full steam ahead? I think any time you do content, you create something, you do something, you get some really initial feedback.
[00:13:35] But there is always that wall moment where you go, Can I keep this going forward? When is the time that you said, okay, I dabbled? It seems to be working now I am all in. Now I am going to make sure that this is what I am going to dedicate my energy to going forward. Because first couple of times you are easy, but after that fifth and sixth post and seventh post, then that becomes more of a grind. How did you not let it feel that way? How did you say to yourself, This is it, man, I am full steam ahead. I am behind the engine of this car, man and I am driving 100 miles an hour.
Lon: [00:14:07] The accelerator was pressed slowly. I mean, it really was because I was still, you know, and you are going to discover this man. You are going to find out that awkward excitement to be who it is you are capable of being. I mean, and I want you to think about that, the awkward excitement you feel. You just talked about it. On your journey to becoming who it is you are capable of being. And you have no idea where this journey is going, man. You do not. I didn’t either. And I never claim to have known it. I think it is one of the things that draw people in. I am not trying to sell anything. I am not trying to sell a program. I am not trying to sell anything other than awareness. And that is not even for sale. I am just trying to inspire people to wake up to it. So for me, what kept me going is people appreciated it. I would go out and I would post something. And the moment you hit a post on anything, your world changes a little bit the moment this drops. Whenever this drops, your world is going to change just a little bit. And you do not know if it is 1 degrees, 10 degrees or 90 degrees, but it will change - just a little bit.
Lon: [00:15:24] And every time I hit post, I knew my world was going to shift just a couple of degrees and I had no idea to what extent, but what happened as I did it and the more vulnerable I felt like I was and the more kind of matter of fact, the more kind of in-your-face matter of fact. And I went from just kind of theoretical to some jabbing, some punching. The more dudes showed up and they would not show up. The fascinating thing for me was they would not show up by hopping onto my post and hitting like or leaving a comment. They could not. It was not until later that I realized, well, they cannot. They cannot leave their DNA on my post that is going to reveal to anyone else who might see it how they are feeling. That is vulnerability. Just hitting like for most people is a vulnerable moment. That is the one degree of change that I am talking about. It is too much. It is too vulnerable. So what were they doing? They were sending me emails, my direct, my DM and my LinkedIn. That is the only place I show up was starting to fill up.
Lon: [00:16:32] And I was getting these notes and they would be like, Dude, where did you come from? How did you know exactly what was in my head? You know, how did you know? And then it was all the other questions about how do you know you had enough? How did you know it was your time to go? What did your wife say? How did you get her support? What are your kids thinking? I mean, all of these things. And I am like, well, there is two things. One, I am getting my reinforcement that there is something here that I need to continue to show up for. And it was fuel in my tank because I was wired to help people. And that made me feel significant. It is fuel. It became easy. And the other side of it was I could help. I had to have the conversations with my wife. I had to have the conversations with my kids. I had to quit a job. I had to prepare to do these things. And so I could just tell them exactly what I did and they could take it or leave it.
[00:17:24] And so those continue to be the things. I still do not know how I am going to turn this into a business that pays a mortgage. Right? Now think about that. I do not know. I am curious. I am confident it will come and I am curious to how it is going to turn out. But I am months into this and I do not know exactly how I am going to turn this into something that does what I need it to do. Just like anyone listening to this will eventually need it to do for them. And that is be turned from a passion that makes me feel significant. A skill that helps people through their journey has to also somehow come around to caring for my family, putting my kids through college. I have got all the same worries that you do.
[00:18:10] Whoever is listening to this, I promise you, my worries are no different. Zero. No different. It is just I am ahead. I am doing it. And so that is why I can be a guide. I can show up as a lantern to kind of pop you into thinking about, hey, what am I doing? And then I can be a guide to show you how I did it. And you can choose to follow or not. But I can at least show up and show you how I did it. That is what keeps me going.
Adam: [00:18:34] When you think about this community, you think about the effort you are putting forth. What are the myths about what it is you are doing? I imagine some people have some preconceived notions or ideas about what you are building or even the strategies you put in place. What are the myths that you want people to understand about normal 40 year community? And that is sort of the blueprint that you are crafting day in and day out?
Lon: [00:19:00] There is a myth that really smart people do not really go through this. There is a myth that career driven people do not take pause in midlife at the height of their career. They do not stop. They push through. And there is a myth that if you can just grind out another eight years and get to that number, that you will ultimately find the happiness you want. And these are myths. And what I have discovered and what I am reminded of every day, go just hop on some of my posts and look at the comments from the people that show up. And they reinforce the fact that they are going through something. They cannot articulate it. They cannot diagnose it. They do not have many people they can talk to about it if anyone and they feel like they are the problem because the myths are you should not do this, this is not normal. You should not be rethinking the next ten years of your life when you are at the height of your career. To them, it feels like failure. This awkward failure when everything is perfect. So they lock it up and they bottled up.
[00:20:40] And the first thing they do is somehow they show up on LinkedIn and they do not know it yet, but they are searching. If you are a dude who has shown up to LinkedIn, you have never heard of me and you are still listening to this podcast and, you know, 20 minutes in and it is resonating with you and you have ever been on LinkedIn. Next time you hop on, I want you to think, what are you doing here, man? You are searching for something. You are searching for something. You are either posting something about your company and hope that it delivers something to you. You are searching for a new job for companies. You are searching for intelligence. You are searching to be smarter on a topic or you are searching for yourself. And you are hoping that something punches you smack in the face and says, well, maybe this is it. That is it. You are in search of something and so knowing that, that is where I connect with people. That is why I am equal parts, Poppy, and equal parts just kind of reminiscent. And they read it. It relates. It connects with them. And so the first thing they do is go home and talk to their wife. It is not call their best friend and it is not hire a coach.
[00:21:54] You know what the first thing is, crazy thing in the world? I want to talk to this dude on the Internet [Lon]. I wonder how I can get his phone number, so send me a DM and then we talk. I do not know if I have ever rejected an opportunity to talk to anyone. Am I and on my phone a lot now, but I am safe right? Who are you going to have a vulnerable conversation with? The safest person in the world? Me. A guy you have never met, but a dude who has been through it. A guy who does not know your wife. A dude who does not know your best friend. A dude who does not know your boss, but a dude who does know what you are feeling, man, and can help you connect some dots. So those are the things that come up those are the myths. Here is the reality.
[00:22:36] If you are feeling like your best days are in front of you and feeling that it is not at your current job and you are feeling that you do not know what it is. You are my person. You are my people. You are the Normal 40. Those are the ingredients. And by the way, man, give thanks to the fact you are feeling this way. You got two choices. You can be pissed off and grind it out and go look at the spreadsheet you built five years ago that says, If I make this much and I save this much, I can retire on this date with this much. You have got one. I promise you have got one. You can look, you can do that and it might not be a bad option. I am not here to talk you out of that. I am saying that is an option or you can do something else. That too gets to be an option. And in that moment is the trade. You hear me talking about the trade. Normal 40 is about acknowledging who you are, taking an inventory of what you really want and then trading for it or not. That's it. That is it.
Adam: [00:23:44] I am curious. When that first phone call takes place, someone reaches out to you. What are they looking for? What are they seeking? Are they seeking permission? Are they seeking validation? Are they seeking advice? Counsel? What is the prevailing theory or feeling that you get in that first phone call or that first message that someone sends you? What are they looking for?
Lon: [00:24:05] I talk about, there is four ways I show up to a phone call. It is The Guide, The Guard, The Lantern and The Key. And I will know in the first 2 minutes, which I need to be. Usually they have found me on LinkedIn and I show up on LinkedIn as a lantern. That is it. Imagine a lantern in a forest. You are on your path, you know where you are going. It is the same path you have been on for 15 years and you are on a path in a forest. But off to the side, all of a sudden there is a lantern. It is like, I wonder what the hell that is all about, what is going on over there? And that is how I show up on LinkedIn as a lantern. Usually by the time they call me, they are looking for a guide.
They are like, look dude, you have been talking to me, you are resonating. There is something going on. I want to talk it out. I want to hear what you did and maybe you can help me. What do I need to do next? And they are looking for a guide.
And then guard, I have to show up as guard acrosses everything – each conversation. And the guard is, look, I am going to show up here when you are 40 something, maybe 30 something, maybe 50 something. And I am going to guard you against getting ten years older and saying, Damn it, I knew ten years ago that I should have done ABC and I waited. I knew it and I did not do anything. Now I regret it. I show up as a wake up call and a guard against that future feeling that is creeping in. So that is three. And sometimes dudes are so close, sometimes they do not need a lantern anymore. They do not even need a guide. They are up to the point where they need to make a trade and they just need a push. They need a freaking push.
[00:25:48] And I show up as a key. I am like, look, you still have to decide, man. But I am telling you, now that you are this close, you know what you want to do. You know, it fills you up. You know that you are willing to trade for it. You know, financially, you are going to be fine. You are curious enough to find out what it is. Your wife is on board. Your kids are on board. You are going to fricking regret this if you wait another five years to find me. Say, today is my day. Go. And then the last one's the key man. And I do not get to show up on phone calls as a key, but the key is just the dude showing up to kind of take them all the way through the process and unlock who it is they are capable of being. And that is a super fun thing that is kind of the end result. They have made the decision, they made the trade and now they have opened up the door to where they are going.
I want 1000 keys in my life, that’s my life is a mission. I know it. My mission is to help 1000 dudes write their second half story. And how am I going to know I have done it - when I have 1000 thank you notes from 1000 people. It might be [a note from] the dude, it might be their wife. It might be their kids. It might be their boss. A thousand lights of thank you. A thousand keys that say, you showed up in my life, you helped me in some way, you mattered. All right? What does that do for me? That is significance. That is it. It is not a paycheck. It is a feeling. And that is why I keep showing up here. I know what it sees I am here to do now. I did not two years ago. I know who it is I am here to help. I did not two years ago. And I know how I am going to do it. And I did not two years ago. And I know what success looks like. A 1000 keys. That is it.
Adam: [00:27:32] Success is an interesting concept because I love and appreciate you have identified sort of your successor, but it is got to be a challenge when you are dealing with individuals who are looking for something, but they all have unique definitions of success. Right? Some people may have success by saying, I want to get a higher paying job. I want to get less responsibility. I want more time with my family. I want just a different way of thinking. How do you help people navigate to their success? Because it is not the same for every thousand people you talk to. And success can mean so many different things to different people. How do you help people a understand or define what their success is, but then also work through a thousand individual paths to get to that success?
Lon: [00:28:19] Oh man, it is my favorite part of the process. I have got just a handful of one on one clients and that is intentional. I put a lot into the clients and I want deep, meaningful relationships with them and I tell them in the first eight meetings, you are going to wonder what in the hell I am doing. I mean, why am I paying this guy to help me? But I frame it up. A friend of mine, when I walked him through the process, he had the best word, and I need to give him credit as much as I would love to take credit for it. But he said, it sounds to me like you are a farm kid and you are out on a scavenger hunt. And he said, you take your clients on a ramble. And I am like, Yeah, man, we go rambling and this is going to I warn everyone. It is going to sound, It is going to feel like we are not getting work done until the moment I read back to you what it is you just said to me over a course of a period of weeks. And it is a ramble. And so what is it? What does that look like? It is me getting so curious about the things that matter to you and it is a conversation. Imagine yourself in a wide open field and there is trees and there is a junkyard and there is a farmyard and there is a skyscraper. And all the randomness that is existed in your life. And we just start walking around and whatever you pick up to talk about that stone, that memo, that memory of a high school incident, the people you used to talk to over here. The volunteering work you used to do, the instrument you used to play, the conversations you did not have with your parents, all those things come up in a ramble.
[00:30:06] And while they are non-sequential for the individual talking, they make perfect sense to me and I put them in order and then I read it back to them over the course of time. And you know, that is really hard to do in a one hour paid consultation. That is why it takes six months in a paid one-on-one program. But in those first two months and those eight meetings. That ramble? They did not tell me. I did not diagnose for them what they care about and what their second half story needs to should maybe entail. I did not. All I did was lead with my ears and my curiosity. They laid out in front of themselves what it is that they too are curious about, that they love, that fills them up, that inspires them, that makes them cry, that makes them laugh. It draws up all the emotions. And the more I can lead them down paths that bring up emotion. The closer we are to something, that is a second half story. And I let a ramble go as long as it needs to. And then we draw a chalk line and we put a mission around it. And then we start building up. How are we going to live a life of this mission? Your mission might change in a day, a year, a decade, but the elements of what make you happy would not and that is the process.
Adam: [00:31:30] As I think through and I have read all your posts and I have been a consumer of your content for a while like we talked about, you and I have had some conversations in the past. And I think the one element that is always very interesting to me when you think about this journey, right, you take yourself through the life cycle you have described. You are showing up everyday to work. You are showing up every day to what it is that you do and you recognize there is something inside of you and then you find the lantern, right? Your content or something that kind of inspires you and you say, All right, this is an interesting path. I want to explore this. And what I found is that first initial jolt that is like an energy drink, right? You slam a Red Bull and you are like, whew, I am ready because you got that jolt. You got that energy. I met somebody who has got this content. This sounds great, right? And just like any Red Bull, you drink one, you are like, I am going to sleep. You drink a second one. You still have that jolt. But the buzz wears off, the energy wears off, and then the doubt creeps in.
[00:33:54] So somebody is listening to you and they are like, I am going to do this, man. I am all in. This is my lantern. This is my journey. I am on this path. They drink that Red Bull, and then they peter out. They get tired and that doubt creeps in and they say, you know what, this is too hard. I am just going to show back up to work on Monday. I am just going to go back and do the 9 to 5. I am going to do that whole thing again. How do you help people or how do you advise people when that doubt moment comes? When that Red Bull wears off and that initial endorphin rush of energy around the excitement of the future is all of a sudden just tampered down by the realities of the present. How do you get people through that stuck moment? What do you tell or how does Normal 40 help someone in that regard?
Lon: [00:34:38] Yeah, man, what you are talking about is The Guard. That is where I need to show up as the guard and it is such a great point and such a good question because it could still happen to me and it does not appear like it is any time in the future. But here I just want to make this simple point. I am just a dude, man. And there is nothing uniquely special about me. I have got a cool story. But I am a South Dakota farm kid who had equal parts, if not over-weighted luck happen to kind of guide my path to where I am versus anyone else who is listening. I do not anyone to look at me like and what I am doing and what I have done as something that is not possible for them.
[00:35:32] And I understand why you would. Two years ago, I would have. I get it. I get it. Believe me, I get it. But for me, something happens when you take this first action. I think something happens the first time somebody talks to me. I never did that. I was not smart enough to say, oh, here is a dude I should talk to. I went out and tried to self-diagnose myself, and it took me four years. I like to think that by the time somebody has called me, this is their action. Okay? This is their action. I feel like my job on that call is to help them understand a bunch of things. One, they have taken an action. The thought of them saying, I wish I would do something about this now is done. They have, this phone call is an action, so let us do something with that. So by the time we get done with that phone call, I have usually given them a one tiny homework assignment. Call this person and ask them what they are doing on this project. That is it.
[00:36:41] And what happens hopefully, is you just build some momentum. And the moment you start getting clarity on who it is you want to be, and that takes some time. Something happens in you. You get this kind of awakening, the energy. You remember when you were 38 or 28, the energy you used to have versus when you are 48? You know, sure, some of that is age, but some of it is just being on autopilot. I am a pilot, right. And, before flight you go through all the sequence. You open the hangar door, you get the plane out, you do the preflight, you do the follow the checklist, you taxi, you wait for tower, your taxi over, you do your run up. Finally you take off. You have done so much fricking work and then you hit autopilot. You are cruising at 8500 feet and it takes about, you know, so you hit autopilot and you feel the relief of that saying, all right, now I am getting somewhere finally. And about 3 minutes later, I am like, well, this is fricking boring. I am just sitting. I am not flying, I am sitting.
[00:37:47] The same thing happens in the real world, man. The same thing happens at your job. I do not think you lose energy because you are lazy or because you are aging. Yeah, I know all that stuff does have an impact, but I think the greatest impact for me was when I started to get curious about who it was I was capable of being. Who it was, I was capable to help and what skills I have to bring to those people who need that help. This are all the things we are talking about. My energy level started to step up. I was starting to feel alive again. I was starting to get that feeling back that I used to have because I was curious about where in the hell my life was going, just like I was when I was 38, certainly like I was when I was 28. This curiosity about what the day is going to bring versus the curiosity about what my day when I was an executive was going to bring. I knew what that was going to bring. Problems, chaos, slow solutions, grind. I mean, that is not a bad thing about a company. That is just kind of how it is. And so my energy started to come back.
[00:38:55] My point is, when you start leaning into what it is you are feeling and start exploring it and answering it, you get energy to explore and answer it. It does not take away. It is not this thing that now you have to work on. And if you stay consistent at it and not everybody does, man, I am here to tell you. They will get it. They will like a tough quarter. I got to buckle down. They will get off the treadmill and they will lose that energy. But here is what happens. One year later, they come back like, Dammit, I should have done this last year. Two years later, they come back and eventually they get to the point where they get to that trade and they make it or they accept, forget it. I am going to live with the regret. I understand it. I understand what I am doing. I understand the potential consequence. I am doing it anyway. But at least they made the choice. At least it was intentional.
Adam: [00:39:49] My hope is somebody is listening to you right now and it has been 30, 40 minutes of this episode and they are listening to you and they are hearing all these things. They have not reached out to you yet. They have been creeping on your posts on LinkedIn a little bit. They have been reading some stuff. They found this in the podcast feed. They hit the play button and they have stuck in for 40 minutes, but they are still skeptical. They are not sure what to do next. They are in that stuck moment right. There in that opportunity where they say, I think I want this change. I think I want to do something different, but I am scared. I do not want to be vulnerable. I am concerned about the backlash. How could I do that to my family, my friends, my loved ones, my coworkers? So they are stuck right now, but they are listening and they are encouraged and they are inspired right now. What would you say to that person who was listening to you? Who has got that feeling, got that emotion as they listen to you talk about what it is that you experience and what it is that that your process and your community is trying to build?
Lon: [00:40:45] First, what you are feeling, do not wish it away. Okay? Whatever you are feeling that discontent, that I am not unhappy, but I sure as heck am not completely happy. I am doing good work, but it is not my life's best work. I have got so many gifts that I do not get to use every day, and I would love to find a way to put them to work. I have raised a wonderful family and I have lived my life by the book, but I need an adventure. All of those things, man. These are all the doorways into the Normal 40. When you are feeling that, give it thanks. It is there for a reason. So that is one. Do not wish it away.
[00:41:36] And the way to do that is to get curious about it. Look, two things. Get curious about that feeling and however you deal with that, start dealing with it. I am a writer. I started writing about it. If you get a call me, call me. You got to talk to a friend, talk to a friend, talk you know, talk to your wife. The sooner you bring your wife into how you are feeling, the better the conversation goes if and when you want to make a change. And I have got a story to tell about that another time, too. But bring, explore it not from a place of concern, not from a place of judgment. Just get curious. Well, what is that? What is that? Why do not I really not want to go to work today? Why do I really not want to have this one-on-one meeting with my boss? Why? Why do I get into the garage and bust through the door as a grumpy ass? Why is that? Get curious about it so that you can understand it. So that is rule number one. Show up to what accepted as a gift.
[00:42:42] Rule number two, give it your curiosity because it is going to require it. The only way you get through this is to show it your curiosity. Three, you can join my group on LinkedIn. It is not a paid group. Look, it is not a moneymaker for me. But I am telling you, the way to feel normal, the way to think about how to have a conversation, the way to get curious about it is to find a group going through it man And the people who show up in my group are going through it. We are going. I am going through it. I am just ahead of you, man. So that would be one. And you can also reach out to me. I will tell you my ability to get on calls out a number of weeks, but I will do it, man. I promise you, if you listen to this podcast and you want to talk to just a dude who is doing it, I am not selling you anything. I am just trying to help you. I am just [], man. I just want to get you started. All I want to do is inspire you. If you are looking for that inspiration and you want to talk to somebody who is doing it, you want to fit into a community. Those are your options.
Adam: [00:43:47] That is why I will tell our story really quickly if you do not mind Lon. So I had seen your content floating around the Internet. Like I said earlier, I was kind of creeping around and you said that earlier. I was reluctant to hit that like button. I was reluctant to hit that comment. I was reluctant to do that stuff because all of a sudden it pops up on my feet and all of a sudden everyone who knows me goes at them like this. I wonder what that means? What is that about? Right. So I crept on your content for a while, and then I do not know if you recall this. I sent you an email and I said something to the effect of sounds interesting. What is next? And you probably a day and a half later you responded and you said, “That is up to you.” And that was it. There was no sales pitch. There was no sign up for this and you will get this. There was no, hey, read my book. There was nothing on your end. It was a simple that is up to you.
[00:44:36] And I looked at that email for a long time and I thought, How do I respond to this? How do I even say that? How do I even work this? And I will tell you what, it got me more and more curious about you. And it got me thinking about what is next and what is it that I want. If I had to write back an email to you, what do I want it to say and how would that work? I think for people who are listening to this and they are saying, I am going to send him a note and he is going to try to sell me some brochure and you know he is going to make me buy a timeshare. None of that happens, man. You had a simple response back. And that is where I think this approach is so interesting. And why it resonated with me is you were not, in my opinion, just as a dude talking to you, you were not trying o help me. You were trying to get me to help myself.
[00:45:25] And I think it is that age old proverb, right, teach him to fish versus catch a fish for him. Right. You were like, hey, I am not going to give you the answer, dude. I do not know. That is up to you, man. Like you reached out to me. What do you want for me? And I thought that was really interesting. And and I think that approach really resonated with me. And I suspect that you have that same sort of approach and outreach with everybody else who is also in your DMS or also in your inbox.
Lon: [00:45:51] Man. That is a cool story. I did not even recall that response. You nailed it, though. Let me just say that. You nailed it. I do not have your answers. You do not have my answers. But I know what I have gotten good at is I have gotten good at asking you questions that ramble. That is not an accident. There is a process there. Everything I described in that field. Your future is in there somewhere. And that is not for me. It is not even my field. I am just your co-pilot, man. So it is a process that works. It is a process that stimulates curiosity. And it is a process that brings you back to who you used to want to be.
[00:46:45] And it has helped marriages. It has helped relationships with kids. But I do not have the answers and that is your point. And I am never going to act like I do. I do not have your answers. Shit. Most days I do not have my answers. That is why I keep showing up curious. And I know the answers are going to find me. So long as I show up every day I take every call that comes at me. I help every person who is asking for it. How I make this work over the long run and turn it from an experiment on LinkedIn to something greater, whatever that looks like, I am curious about. And I am showing up for it.
Adam: [00:47:20] What counsel would you give? And I thought it was interesting you brought this point up, right, is, you know, people are going through things and there is obviously a vulnerable moment. But when that time comes and you confide in some of your closest friends, maybe a business colleague, maybe your spouse, maybe your children, whoever you confide in and somebody listen to this right now and maybe they are okay and I will put okay to air quotes, right? Because that is a relative term. But they know that their friend, their fellow coworker, their loved one is not. How does someone who is not going through this support somebody who is? Because I think that is a really interesting concept you talked about is that support system. If I am the spouse and my spouse comes to me and says, I am feeling this way, I am doing this. I think a lot of times that support system is just as important as that person being curious in showing up every day. What counsel, what advice, what feedback do you give folks who are thinking about somebody else and how they can support somebody who is having these same feelings and emotions?
Lon: [00:48:22] I actually get reached out to by a lot of spouses, actually. And they will tell me, hey, I am sharing your stuff with my husband because I think he needs it and. I do not know how to help them. I do not. Because until that dude is ready and tell the words that I am putting down that lantern until he is ready to take his eyes off of his own path and bother to consider that it might be a bad path. And by the way, he might be tromping all over the things he loves in life most. And he does not know it because he cannot see it until he can see that lantern. I do not know how else to show up. I do not know how else to connect with them. I offer to them. I offer to usually it is the wife. In fact, every time it is been the wife who as reached out to me. I have offered to do anything they ask. I said, You can schedule a call for us and I will be on. They may or may not. I will give it my time. But I said, ultimately, you know you guys might have more of a marriage counseling need than a life fulfillment need. And I am not that guy.
[00:49:39] So that is one. You know, it is really hard. I think you are doing it right by trying to say, hey, look this resonates with me, husband, I found this and it resonated with me where I am at on my journey. Tell me how it resonates with you and just something that benign and keep trying to feed him that way. And I think that is better than, you know, trying to tag him on a post or something. That is over the top. But I think the few times it has worked, that has been the advice. Print it out and set it down like it is something you're interested in. They will get interested in it and they will wonder why you are interested in it. And boy, what a great way to have a conversation. So there again, it goes back to curiosity printed out.
[00:50:21] So that is one way to do it. And I hope the other second part of that is what if it is not your spouse and it is a friend? Be a friend, man. Tell him what you see. You know, part of being a friend is not golfing together. I mean, we can be sure that is an element and it is having a drink together or coffee together or fellowship together. I do not care. Those are all things friends do. But friends also show up and have tough conversations. Conversations that are intimate. Talk about what dudes are going to have an intimate conversation. I tell you what, you want a real friendship? Have a friend show up to you and say, Dude, you do not look like you used to. You used to be happier. Here is a dude. I came. This is a dude I follow. It is making me think about things you should. I do not know. I am not suggesting he is your guy or not, but it worked for me. Give him a follow. Be a friend and you just might save a life, man. And I do not want that to sound dramatic and it probably did. And I wish I could retract it. But you actually might not save a heart, a beating heart. That is not what I mean by save a life. But you can save the life they are living and put it into context. And that is what friends need to do.
Adam: [00:51:38] I appreciate you sharing so much about your journey, about your movement, about what inspires you and giving folks out there some insight to give them some thought. Where else can people follow along and consume some of the things you are putting out there? For those who have heard your information here today and they are curious about how they move forward. Obviously, hopefully this podcast will continue forward and we will continue to put out some content you can consume. But it is a instant gratification society. Someone is going to hit the stop button and go search something right now. Where can they find you? What is the best way they can get in touch with what it is you are working on?
Lon: [00:52:12] Yeah, I do not show up in a lot of places. I do not. So as of this, I am going to have a podcast, that is pretty exciting, but really, I show up in two places. Normal 40 is where you find my content. Excuse me, LinkedIn is where you find my content. And there is two places in LinkedIn. You can just follow me and you will get my content most every day of the week. And that is how most people get to me. Just remember, though, if there is ever anything you can be vulnerable enough to like. It actually helps me reach more dudes.
[00:52:45] And that is the hardest part about the universe I have. The only way to spread my message is when somebody chooses to spread it. And it is a group of of individuals who just cannot. And I get it. I get you cannot. But if there is ever one where you feel like, hey, I can or you can just send a link to your friend, say, hey, follow this cat. That is helpful. Two, inside a LinkedIn, I did something unique. I created a closed group. You are not going to find it by searching for it. You are not going to find it on a Google search and you have to be invited in. Or let me say it differently. You have to ask to get in.
[00:53:18] And that is a private group inside of LinkedIn where people can come in and you can have the conversations you wish you could have on Big LinkedIn with only the people in that group, nobody else. You have to be in the group to know it is there. You have to be in the group to know, to be part of the conversation and to read what is going on in the group. And I show up there differently and in addition to how I show up on regular LinkedIn. So that is something I usually put that link on the bottom of a number of my posts once or twice a week. I will put that. That is your lantern. Go click on that. That will send your permission to me. And once a week I will let dudes in and then you will get in and go from there. The other one is [normal40.com]. It is where I am going to start putting more and more and more my content. But those are really the two places and then [[email protected]]. That is a way to reach me if you are interested in getting on a a short call and seeing what we can wrestle through, going a little ramble.
Adam: [00:54:19] The good thing about this podcast, too, is if you are listening to this out here, you can send this to a friend, a colleague. You put your put your headphones on and no one ever knows what you are listening to. You can hear all about different things. So if you like what you are hearing here, do us a favor. Share it with a friend. Share it with a colleague. Share it with somebody that you think would benefit from hearing the story and being a part of this journey as well. We will keep showing up here as long as you will keep showing up here.
Lon: [00:54:45] One more thing. I want to be clear that this is not my podcast. You and I, Adam, we are not showing up here for Adam and Lon. We are not. Neither one of us are. If this resonated with you, share it. That is who we are showing up here for. The people we do not know. And two, if there is something you want us to wrestle with, tell us. I mean, I do not want to sit here and talk about you do not want to hear about. Who wants that? If you have got something in mind that is topical, that is key. That is something you are wrestling with. Chances are really damn good. I will take it on. I might not get it right, but at least talk about it. And I will put it out there for people to think about. And so let us know if you do nothing else, email us the topics that would resonate with you and let us let us sequence that into a conversation.
Adam: [00:55:39] You can follow along. You can find this on LinkedIn again. Join Lon's group, hit him with an email as well. We would love your feedback. This is your show. It is not our show. So the content is driven by you. We have got some fun ideas, we have got some things we want to talk about, but we know we want to hear from you as well. So follow along, make sure you subscribe. Thanks for showing up today. Keep showing up. We are to be your co-pilots on this journey. But buckle up. Enjoy the flight.
